WEDNESDAY, MARCH 26, 2008 10:14 AM, PDT
This was definitely a down point in my life. I was so depressed. I just wanted to check out of the hospital and let the tumor suffocate me within three weeks. I didn't want to go through 6 months of grueling chemo when I would probably just get another round of lymphoblastoma sometime down the road anyway and then, some of the chemos will probably give me another cancer to fight. My sweet husband was nervous and at his wits ends. I was determined not to sign any more consent forms for chemo. I just wanted to die. He called my parents up from Port Orchard to Virginia Mason Hospital to sorta yell at me. I was still undeterred. I was feeling absolutely awful. They called the doctors in and they were hand tied to help other than trying to convince me it would all be better later. The original plan was to release me the next day to St Joseph's Hospital in Tacoma to begin the first round of chemo right away.
The chemo is called Hyper C VAD. I admit to St Joe's for 5-6 days of continuous chemo (sometimes 4-6 of them) and a boat load of anti-nausea and pain meds. They would be delivered through my chest port, which would also be used for blood draws and other meds injected. But, because the whole thing was so unsettled for everyone else (not for me, I was done!) my family decided to keep working on me and not let me leave Virginia Mason. So, I did stay. I did have the chemo. And I was absolutely miserable. For days and days